This morning, after Lyssa had showered and gotten dressed (but not brushed her hair), she told me that yesterday, a friend from school told her that another girl from school said that Lyssa wasn't pretty and she didn't get that because her mom (meaning me -- Mom -- Bobi -- me) is pretty. (Is that convoluted or what?) Anyway, that was upsetting to Lyssa because, and I quote, "I don't know why she said that. I have good fashion sense!"
I got to explain that "pretty" seems to mean "face and hair", not "cool or stylish clothes". We had a discussion about the fact that since everybody says she looks like me, and I'm pretty, then she is pretty also. She accepted that without much ado. Then, she told me she was going to go brush her hair and even dry it so she could style it nicely. When she left for school, you could tell she had made the effort. Her hair looked very pretty! Since she usually only worries about being dressed, that was a big step for her!
It got me to thinking about "what is pretty?" Why does it seem to mean "face and hair" and not a good fashion sense? Why don't we say "pretty" when talking about someone's "insides" -- their ability to connect with people and have them feel good about themselves or someone's ability to be kind to one and all?
I'm curious to see what other girls Lyssa's age think about this. I will be having the opportunity in a couple of weeks to have a similar discussion with my Cadette Girl Scout troop. There are 10 of them and they are all different individuals. I think it will be an interesting conversation about how they see themselves and how they see others and the criteria that they use to make decisions about other people and how they are going to relate to them. I expect it to get pretty lively!
4 comments:
Hi Bobi. Glad to see you've given in and are now blogging. You know I agree, having girls it's difficult teaching them about being pretty. I know that I want my girls to have a deeper meaning of the word besides just the superficial meaning. I'm interested in hearing what your scout troop has to say on it.
I could not agree more with you! I love Alyssa's style . . . each to their own if only people could actually see how "pretty" the insides of people are then they would learn to love our "guts" every part of us!
I want to hear what the other 10 girls had to say.
And forget the "A" I put in front of her name. . . don't ask me why I did that. Habit I guess! I do know her name is Lyssa.
Hey Bobi, tell Lyssa that I think she is beautiful on the inside and out. I have found working with the YW that if they don't feel "pretty" they really don't have a sense of who they really are, and are more likely to cave to peer pressure. I too would like to hear what the Girl Scouts have to say on the subject.
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